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  • Writer's pictureStop Stalking Us

Harper's Story

When I received my first domestic violence protection order from my ex-boyfriend in 2018, I thought he had been stalking me since 2017. What I began to understand as this case went on, is that he had been harassing and keeping track of me since we broke up the first time in 2013. Like many survivors of domestic violence, he offered to help me when I was vulnerable and we got back together in 2014. He soon became more hurtful and controlling, so I broke up with him a few months later.

I didn't have a full grasp of what domestic violence and stalking really meant until 2019. That year, my 2nd protection order was granted, and I started training to be a crisis response advocate at a SA victim center. Somehow he found out and left flyers on their front door with my picture on them. This was a picture I never gave him, but that he took from my social media. The flyer said that I was lying about my Military Sexual Trauma (MST) experience in the Army to "steal from actual sexual assault victims.” The flyer also said I was trading sex for money in the Army and when someone wouldn't pay me I lied about my MST to “destroy a decorated veteran's life.” I was frightened at the level of obsession he displayed. He did all of this to “get me back” for the 2nd protection order and even told me once that “it is tit for tat” and that I am just “pretending I am doing something by doing all this.” He didn’t leave me or my family alone for a whole year, so in 2020 I was granted a 5 year protection order. My current partner received a 5 year protection order, too, and it names our minor child as a protected party.

In 2023, my stalker pleaded guilty to a felony charge of trying to make a bomb that he built to specifically use against me and my family. He emailed my partner, someone he had never met and was never given the email of, stating he would use the bomb or do “something gruesome” to us if he went to jail. He currently has 6 warrants in association with me and my family, 1 of which is for stalking and 5 are DVPO violations. The last time he contacted me was in March of 2024, despite me legally changing my name in a sealed case to protect myself from him, moving, changing jobs, changing social media, and changing phone numbers. 

In the beginning, law enforcement was helpful, but recently I have been met with responses such as, "my buddy had a stalker and he just deleted his facebook,” “why don't you just move?”, and “you don't have to be a martyr about it” when reporting violations. This has contributed to my struggle with mental health, in addition to the PTSD from serving in the Army, and a loss of income. Crime victim compensation in my state has helped us catch up on bills, thankfully. 

My stalker counted on me keeping quiet out of fear, and in the beginning I did. Now, I'll never stop talking about it because I believe it has kept me and my family safe.

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